So many late nights, so much joy in my heart.....

"Beauty appears when something is completely and absolutely and openly itself."

--Deena Metzger

It's been so long since I've posted, I am not sure whether to be embarrassed or try to sweep the absence under the rug!

So I will choose to do neither--I will stand up and say, OK folks, I've been a busy little bird and life has, well, just been busy.

The Sundance work is in full swing--I have just gotten my first Purchase Orders for the fall catalogs and I was just informed that three additional designs are going to be part of the Holiday books that Sundance sends out. I am thrilled. I am tired. I am scared as shit. And I am ready.

But this business has totally changed for me, which is why you haven't seen new work on my Web site or Etsy for awhile. I have been head down not only making pieces for the fall order, but also making samples for Spring 2011--Yea, I said 2-0-1-1!!!!

Buyers like Sundance work so far ahead that designers must, too. It's actually a good thing in that it forces you to think designs through more carefully, put together casts and get materials far in advance, shoot it and put line sheets together so it can go out by the end of this month/early June.

In addition to preparing for Sundance, I've also been doing some freelance writing work on the side for my old employer and a few others. The pay is great, the work is interesting, and it helps fund the massive amount of investment I am making in nabbing this Sundance business and eventually getting more from others. Turns out, I thought I was spending a lot before on materials--I have reached a new level! :-)

The combination of the two is all done after my first job is over--when my son goes to bed. To say that I am burning the candle at both ends would kind of be an understatement at this point, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Despite my being so busy, I have learned that each day is a gift, and with it comes small blessings that must be seen, appreciated and enjoyed. It is for this ability that I am calm in my heart, not really even stressed that much.

So stay tuned, my friends, for what is to come. I guarantee the ride will be interesting. And I've saved a seat for each of you....

Redemption

"People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway."
— Mother Teresa

Lately, I have realized that one big thing that has hindered my creative business is creativity itself. As an artist, energy flows through me and I release that energy into the pieces I create. I let each one go, a seed to the wind, to plant itself in fertile soil and take root.

But what happens when you have a creative drought? What happens when the very thing that makes you an artist goes away?

It is a crippling feeling, indeed, to have the very energy that feeds your business just dry up. For me, the drought was a long and hard one. It felt like two years of winter. Sure, I plugged along and created pieces, but I always wondered: will someone call my bluff? Because they were not always made with energy that is pure, good and true.

For each of us artists, there are bonafide periods in our lives when the creativity just dies. For me, it is usually with personal struggles like those that have haunted my life in the past year. I have been stripped bare and gone many nights to my closet sobbing. I never thought it would end. And neither did my studio.

Recently, the creative juices started to kick in again. Slowly, but surely. It reassured me that they were really there.. I was beginning to wonder if they had gone forever.

For me, I realized that this prolonged period of creative bankruptcy was a necessary part of my process. How can someone create art if their very souls are stripped down to nothing? How can someone be an artist if their emotional state is mired in torture and trauma?

What I realized, too, is that forgiveness--forgiveness of self--is an essential element to becoming a whole person and a whole artist again. We might be willing to forgive others for what they have done to us, but what about ourselves? Are we willing to extend the same unconditional love and forgiveness to our own spirits?

Recently, it dawned on me that I hadn't done that yet. I hadn't forgiven myself. Redemption of self is so important--it teaches us to be just as gentle on ourselves as we are to others. But how often do we REALLY do that? How often do the critical voices tell us that we deserve what we got coming instead of offering our tender little souls forgiveness?

Don't ask me how to forgive yourself or how long it will take. Only you know that answer.

I can only tell you that I am leading this charge up the hill of redemption so that I can be free--free of all the things that have bound me and my creativity. Free of the shackles that I put on myself and let others put on me.

FREE.

Revamping My Life, My Business, My Soul!

"Set fire to what you thought you knew and find yourself in the ashes."
--From the Book, Note to Self

My life has been nothing but change this past few months in every stretch of the imagination. And now, with this amazing business opportunity before me, even the things I knew and the rhthyms I trusted in my professional life as an artist have gone by the wayside.

The Sundance Catalog business has forced me to think about my business like a professional. By that I mean that plans are made well in advance of the "now" and things are in progress much farther ahead of when they will actually see the light of day. This is how the jewelry business truly works--you must think far in advance of just a one-hit wonder of the season. Instead, you must look out on the horizon, plan for the future and buy materials based on a big fat hunch....

Revamping the business is what must be done in order to grow it to what I want it to be. But, it is a complete change from the design-what-you-wish mentality that I have been in for the past four years. It's time to be as mature about the business as I have had to be in my personal life. I guess there is a recurring theme here....

The frustrating part is that there is only one of me, so planning head for future business is great (I'm really a planner at heart), but the satisfaction that comes from producing results on a monthly basis are currently eluding me. I have done a huge amount of legwork already on my Sundance business, so it's time to focus on the here and now for awhile, so look for new work here pretty soon.

I guess that this opportunity comes at a good time for me, as everything about my life is changing. So why not this? In my heart, I know it's the right thing to do if I want to make this a business that pays. It just requires a redoubling of efforts and a fresh mind. And I guess my soul, heart and mind are ready for whatever is next!

Pinch Me, I'm Dreaming....

“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.”
--Seneca, Roman Philosopher


It has been one of the most unbelievable weeks for me: this week, a dream, a BIG dream came true.

This week, I was informed by Sundance Catalog that 6 of my designs--YES 6!!!!--will be part of their Fall 2010 catalog. I can't believe that after years of thinking about it, daydreaming about it, inspired by it, that it has actually materialized before me.

I can only believe that this journey--although years in the making--is setting sail today because it was meant to at this time of my life.

Many things leading up to the news has made me believe in small miracles that set the stage for even bigger ones. About a month ago, I had sent samples for another catalog's Fall book, only to get all of the samples back with no note, no "thank you", really no acknowledgement that I had made the investment of money and time! I was bummed out, to say the least, that my hard work didn't bear fruit. But it actually had--I just didn't know it at the time.

I had a pity party about the catalog's rejection for an hour, then dusted myself off and went straight into my studio and submitted all of the images from my fall line to Sundance's online submission form. I figured, "what have I got to lose?"

The next day the buyer called, asking me to send about 15 of my samples from the images she saw online. I was floored.

Had I not gotten all of the samples back from the catalog, I would not have been able to send them to Sundance. I had made a rookie mistake: I only made 1 set of samples!!!! So, if I hadn't been rejected by Catalog #1, my dream opportunity would have knocked and I'm not sure I'd have been able to answer as quickly as I did.

So here I am, poised to see where this journey takes me. I can't wait. I am so proud of myself I can't hardly stand it. I did it--Just me! And that feels damn good for a change.

What's holding you back from the opportunity of a lifetime? What door is waiting for you to open? Take a deep breath, stand at the edge of the cliff and feel the wind whipping in your hair. Close your eyes, extend your hands and jump into the light. You never know where it might lead you.

I am Listening.....

Listening to Spring, by Macrina Wiederkehr

How quietly the earth breathes forth new life.
How eagerly the sun bleeds forth the spring.

I am listening.

I am listening to seeds breaking open,
to roots growing strong beneath the ground
to green shoots rising up from winter wombs.
I am listening to thorns blossoming,
to barren branches laughing out new growth,
to wildflowers dancing through the meadows.

I am listening.

I am listening to the forest filling up with song.
I am listening to the earth filling up with life.
I am listening to trees filling up with leaves.

I am listening.

I am listening to the sky with its many changing moods,
to flashes of lightening, pearls of thunder.
to opening buds and greening grass.
I am listening to the breaking forth of light
in the vestibule of dawn.
I am listening to the freshness of the morning.

I am listening.

I am listening to the raindrops
giving hope to thirsty gardens.
I am listening to the orchards
pregnant with new life.
I am listening to the flowers
bursting forth in rainbow colors.

I am listening.

I am listening to the brook
to the song of happy waters.
I am listening to music
rising up from all the earth.
I am listening to spring
soaring in on wings of life.
I am listening to the sounds of spring.

I am listening.

I am listening to prayers
pouring forth from feathered throats.
I am listening to prayers
rising up from misty waters.
I am listening to prayers
of a meadow crowned with dawn.

I am listening.

I am listening to the growing
in the garden of my heart.
I am listening to my heart
singing songs of resurrection.
I am listening to the colors of life.

I am listening.

I am listening to winter
handing over spring.
I am listening to the poetry of spring.

I am listening.

The Time is Now...

"There is only one time when it is

essential to awaken.

That time is now."
--Buddha

It has been awhile since I've posted and I know I've been irregular as of late in posting at all. I have foreshadowed a personal crisis in my life in my blog before, which had come to bear its ugly fruit recently.

I must say that the anxiety of waiting for it to come to bear has been much worse than its arrival. Now that it has past, I can at least put a stake in the ground that marks "before" and "after" and I can begin anew.

And it is an amazing time to begin anew. Spring is arriving; my tulips are peaking through the ground and bringing forth promise. My heart is lighter, the grass is greener, and the mountains are just beginning to retreat their blanket of snow.

Like the season, I too am starting fresh. I have been pruned down to almost nothing, ready for new growth. I have replanted myself in fertile soil and am ready to look to the sun for warmth and grace. I am ready for the new life that spring brings us.

In the days and years ahead, you will see a new blossom emerging here. I will be the same flower, but my petals might seem sturdier, and my stem more resolute. I am ready. The time is Now.

Emerging from a thick fog of illness....

What an incredible 3 weeks it's been--from amazing professional opportunities to some detours in the road to some downright scary stuff going on in my world!

But all of that has been overshadowed by the longest lingering cold/ear infections in the history of me. In short, I have been dogged by this illness that just won't go away; and as I write this I am awaiting word from the nurse at my doctor's office that a better, more powerful med is waiting for me at the pharmacy. I want to kick this sickness' ass!

I haven't been able to work out for 3 weeks, and it's been most stressful in my environment at the same time. And because of the illness, I haven't even gotten the energy to go into the studio and create something new--which is what I should be doing in light of these great potential opportunities!

I hope to be back in action by next week, back into the groove. Forgive me for not posting sooner--I have been mending my body, my soul and my heart these past few weeks!